Thingyan's over and finally it's New Year Day.

Rather than January 1^st, I usually make my new year’s resolutions after Thingyan every year. As someone born in a traditional Burmese family,  I was taught Thingyan is supposed to be a time when you should summarize all the good and bad deeds you’ve done in a year and make up for all the bad ones. Most important of all, I was told whatever people do on New Year’s Day just after Thingyan has a huge aspect on the upcoming year. It was all simple when I was younger: be a good girl during Thingyan and do all the good deeds I could on New Year’s Day i.e. go to pagoda, listen to my parents, pay respects to the elders.

Although I grew up in pretty much uptight and traditional environment, I become more liberal, rebellious and less superstitious as I’m getting older. But there are some beliefs that you had as a kid that doesn’t go away despite your maturity. However irrational they are, some of them tend to sit tight at the back of your brain whether you want them or not. Having this urge to make everything right became my problem during Thingyan. It’s like an OCD, I know it’s not right but I can’t help it.

This is why I ended up retreating to meditation centres during Thingyan for some years. I found my peace and it helped avoiding dramas Thingyan caused me. My friends call me ‘old’ but its ok. I have had my share of Thingyan fun. I don’t miss the fun but honestly I miss how it used to be when we were younger: the thingyan rain, endless fields of soaked padauk pedals and the feeling of lying on it, the thingyan dances, sa-du-de-thar mandats, hearing thingyan music every part of town, and how everyone get involved in the festival. Well, what can i say... things change. :)

This year, I was posted night shifts almost every day of Thingyan at the hospital. It freaked me out at first for some reasons: mom was going back to Singapore on 1^st day of Thingyan, I hate where Im working right now (do not lecture me on how i should feel abt my work)  and there was some other personal reasons. I admit it felt quite lonely, depressed and I did have difficult time getting over those negative emotions over the week. I guess even intelligence, maturity, experience and common sense couldn’t stop a girl from getting dramatic at times. Anyway, point is, this is not an ideal Thingyan for me. I know I can’t always have things my way and I’m slowly adapting to it.

I think everyone has a time in a year where they analyze themselves and make resolutions; birthday, new year, xmas etc. Now is mine and as usual, I ask myself the same question. “Am I doing better than last year?” My definition of ‘better’ might be different from other people, but in my version, it’s all about how I handle problems and crisis, taking care of people around me, maintaining my individual, social, religious and professional ethics,  and training myself to be emotionally stronger. My answer doesn’t seem very satisfactory this year.

So, generally, my new year resolution is to be a better in every aspect by this time next year. A better person who can..

-  love, let go, forget and forgive more

-  hate, cling on, attach, need and want less

-  maintain tranquility in the face of crisis, difficulties, tragedy and lost

-  keep up a healthy lifestyle physically and mentally.

Happy New Year everyone!

I’m a night person and I don’t usually wake up early in the mornings. Waking up early after a good night sleep is something unusual for me. I'd rather stay up late.

I didn’t feel like talking to or meeting anyone lately, online or in real life. Then, I was sick until yesterday. I slept most of the time especially during high fever episodes … or I’d sedate myself anyway because I couldn’t stand being sick and having depressive thoughts. I tried to write down all those craziness but I got more frustrated during the process. So, it was just me with fever and depression stuck in these four walls for the last 7 days. Flu sucks!

As soon as I recovered, I drove a few miles around town … to breathe and feel the air, had dinner with friends for a while to prevent myself from becoming anti-social. Then I went to bed early and had a sound sleep.

Since I woke up early this morning, I feel fresh. I was sitting on the balcony with some music. My house is only two-storey but the land is a bit higher than others so I have one of the best views in this Golden Valley. I can even see the Shwe-Dagon Pagoda from here. So, I was watching the sun rise until the whole world around me turned too bright and too green. Oh yeah, there’re many trees around where I live. It used to be twice as many before the cyclone Nargis but I’m glad there’re still enough of them to make my world green.

I couldn’t imagine living somewhere without trees. Could you?

Without them, I wouldn’t be able to curl up in my bed in lazy afternoons listening to the birds chirping outside my window. Without them, I wouldn’t know where the wind comes … and goes. Without them, I would have nowhere to hide under when I long for a shelter. Without them, I would run out of things which draw me close to the nature. Without them, I’d feel less like a human and more like a robot … because they are simply the best companions Mother Nature has to offer us.

I usually love the serenity and mystery of the moon and the night. How the moonlight slipping through the leaves of a tree and influence a soul .... is poetic. Still, too much of anything is poison. For a change, I love how beautiful they are under the sunlight dancing with the wind. And how wonderfully they could cure a tainted soul.

Just made my day.

9.7.2011

It was the same as every other night at first. My friends came over to my place during the day, played cards and went out for dinner in the evening. After that, we went to karaoke and then a bar. We went clubbing and then went back home. Since I was the sober one, I drove everyone back home and then a girl and a guy insisted me that they wouldn’t go back unless I accompany them for another couple hours. Actually, all I wanted was to go back home, watch a movie and sleep. But, I said ok finally. So, I left my car at a friend’s place and drove my friend’s racer. I told them I would go back after going to a café and spend half an hour. On the way, a car started to chase us. Then it became two cars, chasing us. They couldn’t see the guy who was sitting at the back with all those stickered windows, all they could see was me and my girl friend at the front. So, they wouldn’t give up even if I let them drive by. I was bored anyway, so finally, I started to race with them until I was way ahead of them and .. we were already out of Yangon by then, at 2 a.m.

I’m a night person. It’s not unusual of me driving around town at nights when I can’t sleep, alone or with friends. I usually have all those crazy ideas and my friends usually follow my plans. So, we would go to places like Than-Hlyin, DaLa, Bago, Mhaw Be in the middle of nights, have coffee and supper at a village, or cross the yangon river by boat to the other side, go to haunted places, cemeteries, walk along the railway roads, retreat to a deserted pagodas at some small towns, .. or anything that would make a difference from an ordinary night to an exciting/interesting one. So, last night we decided we would go to Htaut-Kyant and have fried rice there. Then, they showed me the new highway to Nay-Pyi-Daw ( which they have been hundred times before, and I huvnt been at all ). I have never been there and never had a chance before to drive as far as that. I once drove to Bago with friends and that was one of my happiest moments of my life. So, I decided to drive at least halfway to NayPyiDaw. There’re restaurants at 115 miles. I’ve heard stories about that particular highway. Moreover, a Burmese horror movie about that highway was quite popular at the moment. People said itwas based on true events which occurred at 76 miles. I’ve experienced some strange events in my life before but they’re nothing compared to what happened later that night.

We were having fun, singing songs out loud. I was driving at 120 to 160, having a good time since I’d never drive that fast and that far. Everything looked new and exciting to me. It was a misty night… everything’s dark except the car beams from the opposite lane, making strange and beautiful patterns through the mist. There were more cars at the opposite lane than ours, maybe more coming back to Yangon than going to NPD at that time. But mostly, it’s just us and the dark and occasional lampposts at every one or two miles.

I was driving at 140 and all of a sudden there were white figures on the road blocking our ways many meters ahead. I hit the break so hard but the speed wouldn’t slow down easily. As we were getting closer, we realized they were cows and it’s about 8 or 9 of them blocking the whole lane. 3 of us were screaming our lungs out since we thought we would hit them for sure. But somehow, the cows in the middle moved a little and made a small space which my car went through there and we missed them somehow. Or at least, that’s what I thought happened. I suddenly stopped the car at the side of the road, trying to breathe. All of us were freaked out but then I said, “hey, let’s take some pictures with the cows!”. The girl was laughing finally and joking, “what if they aren’t cows?” She opened the front door and looked back. She paused for a while and said in a fainted voice, “there’s .. there’s nothing there!”

I was like ‘no way’ and looked back. I couldn’t spot any cow but I had to go out to make sure. Maybe it’s the dark that we couldn’t see clearly. I opened the door but my friend from the back went out ahead of me. He walked a few steps and, luckily, there was a car coming from the opposite lane providing us a clear view. As I was about to leave the car and approach him, he suddenly went back inside, looked pale and told me, “Go inside, and just drive!” Before I close my door, I took a glimpse and I got a shiver ran down my spine. There wasn’t any living soul in the area and it was a total desert at the side of the highway.

I drove as fast and far as I could from that place.

I expected various scenarios. Shadows, hitchhikers, scary images, blah blah blah. But cows ??? And lots of them?? They weren’t even moving a bit when I nearly hit them at high speed and then they disappeared into thin air in 20 seconds. They must be kidding me.